Father's Matter

Fathers Matter.
I mean, they matter big time.

I never had a father.
Of course, I had someone that was my father, I couldn't have came into this world without him, but as far as fulfilling the role..NEVER.

When I was in college, I made up my mind to go on an all out search to research and find the mystery man I always knew was somewhere out there. It took almost 4 weeks to find him. He was only 2 hours away from me, living in a city I went to often to simply shop and go to parties. All this time, all these years and he never ever tried to reach out? Never wondered about me?

I should've known things would turn sour when his brother reached out to me first, extremely excited to meet me. So excited, he drove down to my college to meet me. I just knew my dad would tag along with him, ready to meet his beautiful baby girl for the first time. Of course, this story did not go this way. In fact, my dad wasn't in site and although his brother was extremely nice and supportive, it was something going on with my dad he truly did not want to tell me.

After 2 more weeks of almost daily contact, I received a call from a "lady of the family." She first introduced herself and went on to say firs that the man I found was not my father. After respectively telling her that I had retrieved documentation that this very man paid child support, she switched her story to say that there were doubts that he was my father. Even crazier? She went on to say that the man I met, my fathers brother, was in fact my dad. I was pissed and discouraged. I called my fathers dad, and he went off, needless to say, my father was indeed my father BUT of course, I was a HUGE secret. The lady I spoke to, was apart of the family but had not been around for years due to disagreements with the deaths of my fathers parents. My father had not only been hiding and denying me for years, he had a crazy controlling wife that pretty much separated him from his own family. My fathers brother knew about me though, his brother described as, "Brothers know each others secret."
I wasn't surprised I was a secret. My mother and her running's, well let's just say..I wasn't surprised.

A few months later, my biological brothers and sisters were caught by surprised that we had another sister that we didn't know about. We were close in age, and she even attended the same high school I did at some point. My mom told us we shared the same father while we were all together to meet each other. We traveled to my brothers dad house, we all had the intent to meet the other half of our DNA. He never showed.

I would have thought I would be done. He had no desire to meet us, why was this feeling of me wanting to meet him so strong? I was fed up. I searched his information, address and phone number and I called. Yes, I called.. His wife picked up the phone and I will never forget what happened next. She gave me her cell number and told me to send a picture of myself. I did. She called back, I could hear my father in the background screaming, "I am not your father!" I hung up on his coward ass. He wasn't worthy of an argument. I was later sent a text that told me to go find my real dad and to stop harassing them. That day, my heart broke---It was torn in a way I couldn't describe. Not one, but BOTH of my parents gave up on me. BOTH abandoned me--I was just not good enough for them.

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A couple nights ago and last night, I snapped these two photo's. My daughter and her father, sleeping. To many, it may just be a picture and mean nothing past that. For me, it heals the trauma I dealt with a few years ago. I was so broken, knowing my parents had abandoned me and that I had a son who's father was in and out of his life (at that time.) I wanted my children to have what I never had. Looking at these pictures remind me that, father's matter. Even if the father is not resent or doing fulfilling his position sis, HE MATTERS. The love and energy my daughter and her father share is undoubtedly the top things I am grateful for on a daily basis. At just 4 months, she scoots and rolls throughout the night, until she finds her tiny little body just right under him. He is not only her warmth and comfort but he is her protection. He shows her what love is every single day. He does everything he can to show her that he will always take care of it, even if he's not physically there. So, let's change the stigma, let's switch the atmosphere..If you know a father that needs a little or big push or words of encouragement to fulfill the responsibility he has, offer it. If you know a father who does a fantastic job handling his responsibilities, pay for his coffee or pay for his lunch.

Remind someone that Fathers Matter.